Desire Force and Will Power

I just experienced a clouded mind. I was trying to think of what I should do to learn the most, frustrated at the fact that I had to learn Portugese in the midst of my Warrior training. I have this modis operindi (whatever) that in the course of the day I do the following things: wake-up, meditate for 20 minutes, followed by journaling for a full page of college ruled paper. I was journaling for three smaller pages because this is the system I learned in the influential book Artist's Way, but have decided that in order to have time to get dressed in the morning and have coffee and such, I need to condense my imagination and Censor to one page, and the occasional blog.



After finding the sites for the day, we get home at about 3pm everday and I commence to my studies which consist of:

Shambala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior

Mind Power

One Breath at a Time: The Buddhist Approach to the Twelve Steps



During this time, I read one of these books and underline/transfer the key messages to my journal. After that, there is dinner and then creative time. Creative time can be anything creative but right now it involves practicing a technique I have learned with pencils, or free form with markers or pencils or painting or something else. I try not to watch television with the rest of the house or if I do, I try to have something to work on at the same time.

Evening meditation when I remember and then a little more reading then bed. When I am not working on studies, I am trying to implement them into my experiences. Usually, I am focussing on the thoughts that I have, labeling them, and continuing with whatever it is I am currently doing. I know this sounds like a lot and it is but I have been doing a lot of self-acceptance/nurturing work to get me to the point that these are the things that I WANT to do.

Which brings me back to the original topic: What are my goals in being here? FIrst of all, I recognize that having an 'agenda' is counter-productive. I have intentions and move in the direction of my ideals which are spirituality, sobriety, and creativity. It is my responsibilty in training to relieve myself of thinking that I have personal territory, renunciating the idea that I control external forces. I do, however, have internal true nature that manifests externally. In this way, I develop myself to be ready for whatever the universe brings me.

SO...the universe has brought me Portugese and trusts that I am ready to take the training I have studied and apply it now and I must trust in myself, that I will know what the best thing to do is. That I can let go of my 'self', and turn my true nature outwards, to benefit others with what I have learned. This is God's work, not mine. Although Portugese is not the bane of my exsistence, I understand that the process is now to manifest good outside of me with what I possess inside of me:)

This is long, I will write more about my intention-action-plan at another time.
Bom Dia!