12/12 (beautiful full moon)

Today is a beautiful day. I have uncovered and dusted off a part of myself I had sitting on a shelf while I was investigating this new chapter of my life. It has shone through the last couple of days with hope and brilliancy. I remembered that I am not just doing this one thing. That there are infinite causes and conditions to my existence and an equal amount of wishes I have cast out into the universe and she has sent them back to me and, as I have said before, I must honor these gifts.

I was unaware that I was placing myself into a label, it is not my intention and like I just mentioned, I did nothing in particular except pay attention and a veil was lifted in my mind saying that I have work to do. I cannot just rest on my laurels, waiting to regain my equilibrium from having decided to do something completely outside, but not-so-outside, of myself. I have dreams and going to Africa is a drop of water in the ocean of intentions I have set for myself.

I mistakenly considered the idea of solely being a humanitarian. It has been easy enough to do because the people I am around all have different reasons for being here and are all equally confused about their own expetations and we have teachers who are not mistaken in their decisions to be humanitarians as a sole purpose and this is amazing because it affords them the luxury of being dedicated to teaching us with passion and intensity. I am grateful for this and I am also aware that I, Candice, am not bound to limit myself from my potential. Helping others in another country is only one way in which I can serve others. It does not define me.

I believe that the dedication and perserverence of living a life of happiness is not contained to this or that. Happiness simply 'is', and it is my responsibility to cultivate my perception and thought around the understanding of happiness. Today I think happiness is appreciation. I cannot appreciate without the interrelated thoughts and actions of others and all others need happiness, not just those in Africa so I should probably get on with planting the seeds of future happines now by appreciating those things most important to me. So, I will work a little harder. I am aware that this strength comes from the fear I just met with and moved through during fundraising, simplifying this experience to the benefit of another.