I just arived home from a long and disappointing day of fundraising. This was the day where the pink, cotton spun, cloud wore off and the reality of my mind shone through. Is that how you even spell shone or better yet, is shone a word? I digress. I have been doing alot of work in the mind department as I have previously mentioned and today was beneficial to see where it needs developing, which is, again, why I signed up for this.

I have been doing reasonably well with talking to people and facing my fears of rejection and judgement and condemnation (yes, there have been these, too). I have met so many amazing people living so close together that I must have all but forgotten about the 'others'. It seemed that today, all of my usual heroes and heriones were out saving the planet because the doors I knocked on were mostly empty houses. This began to wear on me after about oh, twenty houses or so. I started thinking about what I was saying and how it must be different from days past and maybe I wasn't showing enough happiness and I should show more and I know they are home they just are not answering because I'm the dreaded SOLICITOR. So, I had to think about all the times when I didn't answer the door because I had no opinion or thought myself above these pesky jevhovah's-witness-types. All of a sudden, all those times I felt so deservedly arrogant seemed very ugly and this experience was a beautiful mirror into my past karmic actions.

So, my teammate and I decided to go fundraise some lunch, then hit the houses again but when we started to ask around, it seemed no one wanted to help us. I think there were around ten to twelve places we went to and were repeatedly rejected. I have not had the pleasure of experiencing rejection while asking for food before and so many times! Finally, we broke down and both got something off the dollar menu and I gave Chris the Humana Charter to read and I read more from MLK's biography, which was just what was needed. My problems started to look alot smaller after reading about civil right's violations and hate crimes. I am aware that I knew to look there for a perspective shift which means that I trusted myself to get out of this mental jam which is a victory in itself, that I trusted I could solve this and not have to call anybody or spend three days in the depths of despair is good turn-around. All-in-all, it took about thirty minutes to change my attitude and not spill any suffering onto anybody around me. nice.