white out

This is one of those days where so much is running through my mind because I have nothing to do. We are snowed in at the mountain and it looks like another storm is coming tomorrow. So, holiday break has started early. I have to drive two people to Albany tomorrow afternoon and then back up the craziest driveway ever...crazier than our driveway at the cabin, daddy. I'm going through this phase where I am learning what it means to do for others and its very confusing, like right now I am questioning the blogs I have written and the one I am writing now if I should be writing for the benefit of my audience or if I should write for myself and you maybe benefit from the stuff in my crazed mind. I know not but the two themes are different and whereas I know that this too will come to a balance, right now its driving me nuts because I want to write abotu things that I can't write about. But writing about things that you, the audience, can enjoy will only lack in flavor if I have to think abot the approval of you who read, right? So, I guess I'll just keep writing about my stuff in my head, painting a picture of life as I thnk it. However, I am aware that you would like to see me paint of picture of what life is life on this journey to Africa and not ness the journey of my personal transformation all the time, so I will try to balance these things in future but I can't get to the former without the latter.

Nobody's even said anything to the contrary so the point is that I am just confused with this new set of ideas and principles that came falling down on top of me, on accident. I was just doing my part in cleaning up my life and aligning myself and my spirit and then I thought I might dabble a little bit in 'service', not knowing the rook would fall ontop of my head in the process. Now all I think of is what is best for humanity, how to cultivate love, how do I restrain my selfishness so I can be happier, and damn it, everyone else seems to benefit from this, too. And there's no way to get around sneaking my happiness through the express lane without the minimum 15 people having to come too, my God. So, come on happy people...

I have a list of ideas written down fo rthings to do over the holidays to occupy my time. My mind goes in some scary places when not under supervision and attention. This doesn't mean that I am not working directly with these human frailties but keeping myself occupied has greater benefits as well. Tomorrow morning I am going snowboarding with a board I found hanging around the mountain. If I start on the picnic tables behind the eating area, there is this sweet little drop off and with all this fresh powder, I think I will have quite a time taking snow to the face all day tomorrow until I can land a few. Jorge, my portuguese teacher, wants me to teach him how to board, too, mmmwwahahahaha. I am SO looking forward to that. My team has already conspired to start a snowball fight with the august team, who are mostly from Brasil, so we will start making ammunition in the wee hours of the morning, it seems. Then, of course, there will be snow angels and men making, I'm sure. Hopefully, everybody keeps the parts in the right places.

Sufficient balance?